Thursday, April 7, 2011

Ok, Bitches.

Not to be a total OCD bride, but somehow I managed to pick out a dress that, while totally gorgeous and stunning, isn't necessarily the most *ahem,* forgiving.

Let's just say that I'll look like Catherine Zeta Jones' slightly taller cousin in it if I manage to cut out the bottles of wine and wheels of cheese while also waking up early enough to do something other than eat peanut butter by the spoonful in the mornings.

If I don't accomplish those things - I've unfortunately selected a dress that will not only provide ZERO support for an increased bust size, but also highlight any folds of back fat for all the world to see with the added bonus of making my hips look like a baby hippo (aw, cute!).

You'd think that with nuptials approximately 9 months away, and a dress fitting looming in only 4... that I'd have my ass firmly in gear.  Or that I'd at least be reacquainting myself with the large, scary trainer man of my past... but NO.

Nothing of the sort.

Instead, I've moved back in with my parents (who cook large well rounded meals daily, and also have a massive wine cellar which is tapped every evening..), quit the gym, and allowed myself to foolishly purchase pants in a larger size (dammit!).

This leaves me in a diminished state and not nearly as toned, firm, or confident as I was exactly this time last year.

So, what does a desperate white female do when faced with such a situation?

She watches infomercials.

Yup, infomercials.

Then she googles, said miracle product and manages to do a "thorough" online search to qualify the likelihood that somehow a skinny blond bitch bouncing around to b-list hip hop will somehow be motivating enough for me to do 374 jumping jacks and 82 minutes of lunges.

Even as I hit "purchase" I knew that I was doomed.  When the skinny bitch can't see that I've opted to take a 8 minute break in the middle of her "inferno" workout.. how am I supposed to be held accountable?

Regardless, I've purchased it.  I feel that if I don't stop for a snack in the middle of the first workout, I will have been moderately successful.

But seriously, who wouldn't want to jump around with this crazy chick?

1 comment:

  1. UNLESS THE FATHER DRAWS HIM


    John 6:44 No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day.

    What is the meaning of John 6:44?

    1. Does it mean only a few, who have been selected by the Father, will be saved? No, it does not.
    2. Does it mean that men only respond to the gospel because of irresistible grace? No, it does not.

    WHO ARE THOSE THAT THE FATHER DRAWS?

    John 6:45 It is written in the prophets, 'And they shall all be taught of God.' Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father, comes to Me.

    The Father draws all who hear and learn. The Father does not force anyone to hear or learn. Men have free-will. God does not impute faith into a few so they will believe and be saved. Faith does not come by injection.

    HOW DO MEN HEAR AND LEARN?

    Romans 10:13-14 for "Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved." 14 How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher?

    Men need to hear the gospel before they can learn and believe. The Father draws men by the gospel.

    Romans 10:17 So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.

    Faith comes from hearing the gospel. Faith does not come because the Father selected a chosen few, before the world began, to be saved. All who accept Jesus as Lord and Savior are the chosen and that includes whoever accepts God's terms for pardon. Faith does not come because of irresistible grace.

    God the Father draws men to Jesus with the gospel.

    Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek,

    IT IS THE GOSPEL THAT DRAWS MEN TO JESUS!

    IRRESISTIBLE GRACE IS NOT THE METHOD THAT THE FATHER USES TO DRAW MEN TO JESUS.

    Romans 10:21 But as for Israel He says, "All the day long I have stretched out My hands to a disobedient and obstinate people."

    Israel as a nation reject the gospel. How would that be possible if irresistible grace were in play? Israel turned away from God.

    Matthew 23:37 "Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling.

    Jerusalem was unwilling to be drawn to Jesus by believing the gospel. They had a choice.

    John 5:39-40 You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; it is these that testify about Me; 40 and you are unwilling to come to Me so that you may have life.

    The Jews had the opportunity to believe the gospel of Jesus Christ, but they were unwilling. There was no irresistible grace in play. The Father draws all who are willing to believe the gospel.

    John 6:40 This is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day."

    IF YOU ARE READING THIS BLOG YOU ARE ONE OF THE "EVERYONE" WHO HAS A CHANCE TO BE BELIEVE THE GOSPEL AND BE SAVED.

    MEN REJECT GOD.

    GOD DOES NOT REJECT MEN DUE TO NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN.

    THE FATHER DRAWS MEN TO JESUS THROUGH THE PREACHING OF THE GOSPEL. MEN ARE NOT DRAWN TO JESUS BECAUSE THEY WERE PRESELECTED FOR SALVATION!


    YOU ARE INVITED TO FOLLOW MY BLOG. http://steve-finnell.blogspot.com

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