Why hello

lovely.

My girl scout cookies have ARRIVED! Thin Mint abundance for all.

YAY!

O.L.D.

So, when I was a kid my mother insisted on dressing my sister and me up on a fairly regular basis: holidays, first day of school, family dinners, plane rides (don't know why, but to this day I usually look nice on airplanes. exceptions include: I'm too fat to fit back into my jeans or too hungover to figure out how to put my jeans on)

Anyway, that isn't really here nor there except that during these dress-ups I often remember my mother getting dressed first and tucking anything she could find into her tights or underwear (okay, it was mostly shirts being tucked) and then it was our turn. Me first, then my darling little sister. I can safely say we both HATED it and tried to wiggle our shirts out of our undies or tights or horrifically both. It was frightfully uncomfortable and almost always resulted in clothing in some crevasse where no clothing belongs.

FAST FORWARD to now. like today. this morning. I effing tucked my shirt into my tights. It only made sense. SOMETHING had to hold it in the skirt, which has an elastic waistband and the shirt is a little short. I am here to report that this method is TOTALLY working as my shirt has managed to stay tucked in to not only my skirt, but my tights and miraculously there is no wedgie involved. The only slight fail is that I should probably be rocking spanx instead of tights. Worse things have happened, I suppose.

I am OLD. that is all this can mean.

Food Groups?

Today I have consumed:

• 16oz Soy Latte (bravely avoided the ham and cheese croissant... go me)
• Fiber One Granola bar
• string cheese
• rice cake (with tahini and seaweed)
• American cheese (on the rice cake)
• Pizza flavored Pringles "Styx"  (surprisingly delicious)

I'm fairly certain I don't know what food gorups half of these foods even go in.

I need a meal.....

Croissants: my other true love..

In spite of the fact that most people classify me as a "strong woman," is seems that I have, what can only be consisdering "numerous," weaknesses.  Burgers, cheese, a nice italian shoe... you name it.  But one stalwart item on that list is the delicious, comforting flakiness of a croissant. 

Some weekends I even set an alarm so that I make it to my local coffee house before they sell out of their limited number of exceptional ham and cheese croissants (which just happen to be my favorite variety..).

Croissants are lovely.  They pull apart like string cheese (check! another weakness), are savory, buttery, filling (if you eat at least 3), and the perfect way to hold a sandwich together.  Which is precisely why I have to limit my exposure to them.  I have learned that the number of croissants I consume increases exponentially with the number of times that I see croissants available for consumption. 

Easy enough.  If I avoid seeing them, I avoid eating them.  Out of sight, out of mind.

Which is why it is WHOLLY inappropriate that the latest incarnation of the perpetually doomed "cafe" at my gym has started stocking them fresh, on a daily basis in their ridiculous little display case.  As though waking up an hour early to exercise didn't require ENOUGH will power and self control, now I have to fight my pastry addiction on top of it?

It's crap if you ask me. Total, total crap.

Well, Good Morning...

Nausea! There you are. How I've missed you so.

I wish you came with me to Palm Springs when I decided to eat an entire bag of Jelly Beans followed by Cadbury Chocolate Eggs (we are NOT talking single serving sizes either).

Or if only you had been around when I decided to drink my weight on Monday...maybe I wouldn't have felt so bad on Tuesday had you been around and helped with some sort of purge.

But instead, I ate HUGE sandwich called a "hot Richard" on Tuesday in feeble attempt to feel better from absurd consumption on Monday. I could have used you then too.

The only drawback is the actual anxiety that inspires my otherwise delightful relationship with you, nausea...luckily there is wine and melatonin for that.

Let's stick together for awhile.

Yours Truly (and conjoined at the hip for now...)

M&N

It's 5:15...

and I've yet to pull it together as Gingham suggested we would be able to do. I'm not sure if I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to do so or if I'm slightly annoyed by her optimism. Now, I'm not much of a hater and I typically welcome optimism, so it's probably just me. So today I think I hate myself. Or my-yesterday-self for all out reckless consumption.

p.s. the champagne in that photo on the airplane was D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G. And it's a miracle I remember that because the rest of the flight, is well, completely questionable.

Uh, what?

Let's see.  I woke up this morning, POSSIBLY still drunk and definitely smelling like a terrible combination of the champange, wine, vodka, airplane "short ribs" and peanut butter that I consumed en masse yesterday.

I'm sure that'll we'll pull it together here shortly, but for the moment McCloud and I are out of commission.  In case you were wondering why we are out of order, see below.

First. the Drink that Destroyed us (Champagne and V8 Splash, health food!)

Which led to me taking a picture of a girl at the Palm Springs airport leaving the restroom who is NOT in fact McCloud, though at the time I thought it was. Though I'm not sure that even makes it ok.

THEN, we dedided to drop the V8 Splash and go straight for the Champ and snack mix.

Which Meant that I ate ALLL of the "short ribs" that Alaska airlines so kindly served us.

 

Ew. 

Hopefully I'll be back to sorta normal soon.  we have some good (though not super entertaining) stories form the weekend. I think.  Can't be certain.